ShyQueen76

I really enjoy the new book I am working through and I would highly encourage everyone to purchase it. The Beck Diet Solution  it is all based on cognitive therapy. I think the main thing is renewing your mind, and getting rid of stinking thinking. I am also working with a cognitive therapist so that helps a lot. I have been to therapy before it seems like all you do is moan about your life, cognitive therapy is so much different they focus on the feelings and core of the eating issue. I think in the hour session we only spoke 10 minutes on the problem after all it isn’t the situation that is the problem it is the way you handle and cope with it.

I didn’t realize how disconnected I was with my body. I am so used to stuffing it with food when I have any type of emotion instead of lsitening to what is going on. I have been having a lot of anxiety about a baby shower I was asked to plan. I thought it would be an average 30-40 people party it is turning out to be a 100-125 people party and I was feeling that the mom-to-be was very selfish to require such a expensive party.  That was on the outside it took me a while to realize the real reason I was upset was jealousy. This person has had it all since she was little I am so jealous she is getting a beautiful party and all I got for mine was a handful of people and a whole lot of Winnie the Pooh stuff (yuck). Like the bible says the truth really does make us free. I am still jealous but I see things a lot more clearly now.

I worked for a couple hours the other day to get ready for school today and my hip acted up again. I am worried that the concrete floors are going to make it worse. How has everyone dealt with exercise when you have pain? I feel like I have to walk slow and I miss the gym so much. It has been 3 months and I have been excited to get back on my beloved eliptical but once again the pain returned which means I am back to Physical Therapy. Fun,fun!

Ahhh! I am fustrated I think I am hungry   I drank a lot of water and I feel light headed and my stomach is growling I had a 13 point lunch only 3 hours ago and have not worked out today so I can’t imagine why I would be hungry. Here’s my food for today.

8:30  1 omlet (1 egg+ 1 egg white, 1/2 slice cheese and 1 vegetarian sausage patty) and a cup of coffee 6 points

11:30  1 cold sausage patty   1 point

12:00 Peanut Butter and Jelly on wheat, 1/4 cup canned tropical fruit, 1/4 cup trail mix 13 points

lots of water in between. The trail mix killed me with all those points and bearly any food.

I am trying to be a good girl since my husband and I are making grinders tonight and I plan on eating the whole thing plus popcorn while we watch our movie and play games. (all homemade so I don’t add butter to my popcorn and my tuna I make with 1 teaspoon light ranch and 1 teaspoon light miracle whip with seasonings)

Dieting is tough I tell you. It makes you anxious and sometimes mean as a bear.

I have noticed now that I am OP I am having a lot of anxiety. Yesterday I could hardly swallow, I thought it was from drinking so much water but I realized by listening to the way I felt I was having trouble with anxiety.  I want to snack. I want to run to food even when I do not need it for physical or even emotional needs. Hopefully it will pass. It makes it hard to know if maybe I am still hungry or just going through withdrawls.

I am on day 4 of The Beck Diet Solution today’s tip is Praising yourself for any accomplishment. You are suppose to praise yourself if you didn’t overeat, sat down to eat, exercised, passed on dessert. Any type of improvement you are suppose to praise yourself.

I think for many this one is hard. We are brought up in society to not take compliments and don’t have pride in your work. I know for me if ayone compliments me I make excuses. “oh this old thing….” I am making an effort though to do the workbook. So I am proud of myself this morning I only had a omlet and passed on my beloved toast and butter. So I only ate 4 points when I would normally have an additional 4 with toast and butter.

The rough part of the day will be when I need to make out my grocery list. Thinking about all the yummy things we will make next week always gets me craving for things, good thing there is almost nothing to snack on but fruit.

I shared yesterday that I am working though the behavior modification book called The Beck Diet Solution.  Today’s tip in the workbook is to sit down if you want anything to enter into your mouth.

This for me is a huge deal. Just yesterday I was making cookies for a event and I didn’t have any intention to lick the dough until I had to use my finger to scrape off the dough onto the cookie sheet. Lick. Then I got smart and used a spoon to my finger wouldn’t be tempted to enter my mouth. Lick. didn’t work. To make matters worse my husband came over and had spoonful after spoonful. Yuck.

The author encourages us to never take samples at Costco, “test” the food for seasoning, or grab some snack as you reach in the fridge for something. Sure you can have these small nibbles just get a chair. This is going to be a challenge for me. It sounds so simple but as we know most of the things we need to have a successful weight loss are simple tools but very hard to do.

Enjoy the day.

Well I never thought I would say it but I sighed up for a lap-band. Anyone here have one? I went to the first counseling apointment yesterday with a counselor and learned a lot in 40 minutes.

The first thing I learned is I gained 8 pounds this summer while off from school. I figured that much since I have been doing PT for my hip and have been a bit lazy with exercise.

The other thing I learned is I am a quitter. I have quit many diets (even though they worked), I jump from counselor to counselor when things don’t move quick enough, I also do that in relationships. I have wanted to quit this marriage from day 1, thankfully 9 years later I am still here. I am afraid of commitment I won’t buy a house, new car etc. She feels it all stems from low self -esteem. She said she would allow me to continue onto surgery but I have to see her oftan to work on the emotional eating piece.

The other thing she mentioned is a great book. The Beck Diet Solution It is all based on behavioral modification. It takes you through 6 weeks of daily exercises. I started yesterday. I had to write down reasons why I want to be thin on notebook cards and say them to myself 2 times a day and whenever I am wanting to eat. Heres my list:

I want to be able to see the girl God created me to be

I will be able to wear cute dresses

I will be able to shop in the hottest stores, and not hunt for the fat section

I will be able to jog, run, skip, twirl or whatever I wish without looking like a fool

I will have a ton of energy to enjoy life

I will wear a swimsuit and people will take pictures of me on their cell phones because I am hot not as a joke to send to friends

I will be able to do any position I would like to and my husband will have a fixed smile on his face

I will be in control, not food

My husband will be able to carry me into our new house

My kids will be able to put their hands around me

I will be free as a bird to enjoy life

My husband and I celebrated our 9th anniversary yesterday. He planned a beautiful day for us with a picnic at a wildflower museum, he ordered a replica of our wedding cake, massages and a elegant dinner. I know for those of us dieting it seems like food, food and more food but I was blessed. I ruined the day with my fat issues. I was fine the whole day enjoying every moment of it but then I exploded. At first I didn’t want some skinny Asian beauty touching my husband then I realized I didn’t want her touching me. I didn’t want my rolls to be counted, I was obessed with the idea she would be massaging me with her eyes closed. I paniced. My husband kindly canceled the appointment and offered to massage me himself. It lead to a long discussion on how hard he tries to please me but my weight fears hold me back from living life with him. He doesn’t mind  doing girly things with me like flowers, shopping, movies but he longs for me to play golf, baseball and just get involved in guy things.

This fat is holding me back in so many ways. I just didn’t realize how much my husband loves and adores every ounce of me. He really doesn’t see the rolls and I really don’t embarass him.  He just wants to support me to lose weight so I can be free to spend time with him. It broke my heart and made me fall deeper in love with him. I am going to work harder to get out of my comfort zone and try the things he wants me to do. Yes I might not be able to play ball for hours, heck I might only do it for 15 minutes but I realized he wants me to try and understands if I tire easy or am uncomfortable.

I encourage anyone who also struggles to try things because they worry if they will sweat, tire easy , be watched or laughed at. I encourage you to step out and live life with those who love you. I know I sure will be trying.

Well I have not been on since February because the scales were on the rise. I vowed never to wear stretch jeans, but nowadays that is all you can get in most stores. Those stretch jeans are now getting tight so I jumped on the scale in hopes it would help me to stop shoveling in the food. I gained 8 pounds from last year. It is heartbreaking. I put in so much exercise but because I have not gained control of the food to work out is worthless.

I started jogging about a month ago and that really helped the food cravings and I could tell I was losing weight but then I hurt my hip. My doctor told me he does not want me to run until I lose at least 25 pounds it is too much on my frame. I mean come on darned if I do darned if I don’t.   I am unmotivated so I thought I better return to the group for support.

I would like to start keeping up with my points again and get back to working at the gym and not just walk outside. I just feel so uncomfortable with myself. My husband advised to go get a couple outfits that fit so I won’t fret when I sit down and this huge muffin top overflows from my jeans (my words not his of course) but I refuse to get a bigger size. If I do that then it will just give a excuse to gain more and more.

Hey Buddies. I know long time no blog but I have been trying to get my stuff back together since the recent weight gain. I am back to working out but the weight is still there because I am still eating..hehe

So I was on a while ago and someone posted a website you can send a photo of yourself in and they will remove 20 pounds for free~ well what you would look like anyhow. I did that but they never sent me the photo and I lost the website so I would love to know it.

Steph

Well I have not been faithful to the group I am just off. I gained all the weight I lost this summer in a matter of 2 weeks. Hot Chocolate, lemon cake, popcorn balls, fudge, tons of cookies, real butter and toast. You name it I ate it and I am sick to my stomach that all those hours of workouts, all those months of journeling, the days going to bed hungry gone in two weeks. Life is cruel but that is the truth. My husband’s schedule is a mess at work so my workouts are few and far during the weeks. You know how it is you miss one work out you miss two then before you know it two weeks go by and you haven’t sweat or anything. So that has happened but today is 2009.  2008 good and bad is gone. I can’t rewind and say no to all the garbage I put into my belly. Honestly I wouldn’t anyhow. I enjoyed baking for loved ones, going to church cookie swaps and hanging out with hot chocolate with my kids. Yes I did too much and my jeans no longer fit but it is gone.

So we are 4 days into 2009. I have not worked out but tomorrow I will. I did eat a cookie and fudge yesterday but tomorrow is a new day. I am starting a Christian weight loss bible study tomorrow which takes about 45 minutes a day but also gives you a e-mail mentor. I tried it before for 20 days but I was not committed and the mentor was harsh. At that time I couldn’t handle it, I was in a bad spot in my marriage and work life.I am in a good spot now so I will need to make time to do it. Blessings to each of you. I hope your holidays were filled with love and  2009 is a year filled with good health and good eating choices.